A Girl can Dream
by siera2325
Summary: Sansa left everything behind to run away and with Brienne and Jamie, she wanted the freedom to be her own person and make her own decisions, but after all the scars she lived with and had helped healed, there is one person she fears she will never get over.
1. A Girl can dream

I don't own game of thrones or any of the characters.

  
  


Bit of a different take on characters storylines.

Sansa gave up on the North and decided she just wanted to be free to be who she was and make decisions for herself, travelling with Brienne and Jamie who also made the same decisions for themselves, she lives with many scars, the main one being the one left on her heart by none other than the hound.

Might just be a one shot, might write more… we shall see.

* * *

  
  


A GIRL CAN DREAM…

She could sense him before she could see him, it had always been like that with her when it came to him, her heartbeat increased in pace, her mouth went dry, as butterflies danced in her stomach. Sansa's eyes begun frantically searching, scanning each of the market goers, "he's nearly seven foot tall, he's not hard to spot" she silently cursed to herself "Where is he?, he's here I know it" she said to herself as if it were a prayer to the gods, a desperate plea to prove she wasn't going mad.

  
  


Sansa had spent months maybe years now, dreaming of him, originally the dreams had just been of his eyes watching her, then eventually he was whole and with her talking, well grunting and scowling at her, protecting her and loving her. It was the same dream every night, in her chambers, he comes to her and offers to take her away and every time she says YES, it is one of those dreams that makes waking up the nightmare, but wake she would and every time she would wake feeling confused, then begin crying realizing it wasn't true, usually she had Brienne there comforting her, whispering reassuring words in her ear, every time it was as if her heart broke all over again.

  
  


As much as she treasured Brienne's friendship she could never really bring herself to speak about it in full, she knew Brienne assumed the dreams were nightmares filled with monsters of her past, Lord Baelish, Joffrey, Ramsey, Cersei, god knows there were many that should have plagued her dreams and from time to time they did, but she was numb to them now, it was him she ached for, he was her biggest regret, it had taken years of feelings she just didn't understand, to eventually realize she had just been too young at the time, but now her brain had caught up with her heart it was a new kind of hell she endured.

  
  


Throughout the whole time she had been with Brienne and Jamie she had only ever spoken of him once, and even then, it had been more of clue that she hadn't meant to give away.

Having Brienne and Jamie in her life was by far her biggest blessing, she thanked the seven everyday for having found them after she escaped Ramsey, to her they were perfectly imperfect in their love for one another, she saw it in everything the did for one each other, how they cared and cherished one another, she knew of the sacrifices they had made for their love and she was both delighted for them and incredibly jealous of them, for she longed for that kind of love herself.

  
  


CAMPFIRE CONFESSIONS: FLASHBACK

One night after too many cups of wine sitting around the fire with Brienne and Jamie, Jamie had turned to her with a cheeky smirk and asked "Lady Sansa, what about you, have you ever been in love with someone? And I don't mean one of your lovely husbands, I mean true love, the kind that finds you and takes you even if at first against your will" he laughed gazing at Brienne with a knowing smile, to which she remembers seeing him receive a very sharp jab to ribs from his lady wife.

She knew it was the wine that made her answer as she would have thought up a lie quickly in a sober state.

"Well sir Jamie, I'm just a silly little bird, who didn't realize she loved him until it was too late, you see a dog can only be loyal if you give him a chance to be" with that she stood and walked over to her bed roll and lay down, trying to ignore the shocked faces of her two travelling companions.

When they obviously thought her asleep, she heard Jamie "She was speaking of the hound wasn't she" When Brienne didn't answer straight away, he asked "Did you know about this wench?"

She heard Brienne sigh " I, I didn't know for sure, she is extremely private about , about well everything she has been through, but yes I suspected it was him, one night when I comforted her after her bad dream she reached for my arm and said Sandor looking for comfort, I suspect yes something has happened there of the loving nature"

* * *

  
  


Pushing her way through the crowd at the markets, she could hear Jamie calling her name, trying to get her attention

Then she saw him.

Stopping dead in her tracks, Jamie ran straight into her, alarmed pulling at her arm asking "Sansa, what are you doing, are you alright?"

She turned to look at Jamie who was now looking at the back of very muscular tall man with straight black hair. Jamie's face said it all, it was him, it had to be, Jamie reached for her arm "Sansa it might not be" he cautioned, trying to figure out how he was going to handle this situation unfolding before him.

Sansa didn't listen, shaking off his hand from her arm, she kept moving closer, weaving through the crowd, she had to see his face, she needed to see him, to prove to herself it was real, she wasn't dreaming, this was actually happening.

Managing to scoot around in front and to the side of where he was walking keeping her eyes low, he was less than three meters away from her wearing a white linen shirt, dark grey slacks, his black hair tied back, it looking longer than usual. He walked slowly through the crowd, a scowl on his face, his grey eyes seemed to be following something close to the ground, but she couldn't see what through all the people. Keeping pace with while maintaining a slight distance she could tell he wasn't working as such for he wore no armor, but she knew his instincts were always sharp and switched on though, it wouldn't be long before he realized he was being watched, if he hadn't already.

Suddenly he stopped and bent down to collect something.

A child, a little boy, maybe two or three years old with dark hair and grey eyes, she watched as the toddler pulled on his nose, his face softening into a slight smile as he used his thumb to wipe something off the boy's face.

Sansa felt as if all the oxygen had left her body, she couldn't breathe, and everything went silent. A tear began silently falling down her cheek, she felt paralyzed, she couldn't even move her hand up to wipe away the tear, to hide her sorrow.

Then she felt a hand squeeze hers, without looking she knew it to be Jamie, then another hand on her shoulder, which she could tell was Brienne, yet she still couldn't tear her eyes away from him, she couldn't move, breath or blink, frozen on the spot, the only thought in her head " he has found another, he loves another, you silly little bird"

Just as she was pulling herself together to move away, she decided to take one last look, in that instant grey eyes meet Tully blue.

He was looking right at her, his face impossible to read, without breaking eye contact with her she watched as he handed the boy to a woman and pushed through the market goers to where she stood still holding Jamie's hand.

She watched as something flickered in his eyes a softness, a brief sign of relief or happiness or both, then it disappeared when they fleetingly glanced at her hand in Jamie's, his eyes hardening again and his scowl reappearing, then he was standing in front of her, so close her senses were overwhelmed with his scent and his warmth.

"hello little bird"

  
  


  
  



	2. Chapter 2

I don't own game of thrones or any of the characters.

Maybe another chapter after this and then that will be it, just playing around with an idea in my head.

A girl can dream… chapter 2…

Sansa had known it was childish. He must be thinking what a foolish little bird she was, running off in tears like that, after he had come over to speak to her after all the time that had past, but she couldn't help it, she was overcome with complete emotion, he was standing there right in front of her, his grey eyes boring into hers as if they could read her very thoughts, see into her very soul, then that women had come and stood beside him with that beautiful little boy in her arms, looking at Sansa with familiar eyes and an almost knowing look, it was all too much to handle, she dropped Jamie's hand, shrugged off Brienne's grasp and ran as fast she could, in no particular direction, just anywhere away from where he was.

After finally gaining the space she needed, Sansa sat down leaning back on the trunk of a tall oak tree, the wind had picked up and there was steady stream of air blowing into her face, she felt herself breathing it in deeply trying desperately to settle her nerves, and slow her racing heart.

"_A child, he has a child, a wife, he has a wife, a women he loves and loves him back" _she said out loud, her words being carried away in the wind, she felt as though saying them out loud made it real, and by doing so would stop her mind creating some kind of fairytale out of what was obviously not going to be the happy ending she had dreamed of.

Hearing footsteps approaching, she didn't need to look up to know it was Jamie and Brienne approaching, with a sigh she turned around to face them, feeling incredibly embarrassed by her behavior, knowing she owed her friends an explanation, even though she knew they wouldn't push her for one.

The whole time they had travelled together, they had never pried into her past or tried to coax information out of her regarding what she endured, she knew it wasn't because they didn't care, its was because they didn't wish to do anything that made her uncomfortable, as it was probably already obvious to them that she had her struggles, but now was not the time to rely on the good manners of her friends, it was a time to be honest, who knows she thought maybe it would help to talk about it, to know they understood.

"_Sansa, are you ok"_ Brienne asked, her voice filled with concern.

Sansa smiled at the use of her name, just her name, no Lady Sansa or Lady Stark, it had taken a long time for Brienne to stop calling her that, they had all agreed to just be themselves, no tittles, but it seemed for Brienne old habits die hard.

"_yes, I'm sorry I ran off like that, I just, I just didn't want to stand there crying my eyes out in front of Sandor, his wife and child, I guess I felt foolish"_

She watched as Jamie and Brienne glanced at each other a mix of sadness and concern exchanged in there looks.

Jamie sighed as he plonked himself down next to her, his shoulder butting up against hers, she could sense he was trying to put together in delicate words what he wanted to ask, what the both wanted to know.

Taking a deep breath Sansa looked straight _ahead " Just ask Jamie, I'll tell you whatever you want to know, I want to tell you both what's going on in my head, I'm sorry I have kept things from you, when you have both been so open and honest with me"_

"_Sansa, you don't owe us anything, you don't have to tell us anything, just know that we are here for you and whatever it is between you and Clegane we will always side with you"_ Brienne said, kneeling down in front of her, reaching gently for hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

Before Sansa could say anything she heard an annoyed grunt coming from the body next to hers _" No darling wife, I must disagree with you on this, Sansa what I just saw at the marketplace, what I have witnessed from you this whole time we have been travelling and living together, the dreams or should I say nightmares, the share inner turmoil you have been going through, it has been so hard to watch, for both of us, I want to at least understand some of it if not all of it, so please Sansa tell us, tell us about the hound, tell us why I just watched one of the strongest women I know run away a crying mess"_

Sansa hastily wiped away tears from her face, as her body betrayed her, shedding tears at Jamie's words.

"_Where do I begin"_ she wondered out loud.

"_Wherever you want"_ he replied, looking at her with a faint smile.

"_When I was in Kings Landing, at the mercy of Joffrey and Cersei, I was so alone, I was regularly beaten, subjected to Joffrey's cruelty on a number of levels, I was but a child and I was treated as their play thing, when Robs armies advanced I was beaten or forced to bare whatever punishment Joffrey saw fit to bestow on me. Sandor he would do his best to spare me from it, he saved my life countless times, he protected me every opportunity he had. The night of the battle of Blackwater he came to me and said he would take me away with him, take me North, home to my mother and Rob, I didn't understand at the time I was scared, I said no, I said no"_ she could barely get the words out as she sobbed, Jamie put his arm around her r and she leant her head on his shoulder, while Brienne sat to the other side of her still holding her hand.

"_I didn't know that by saying no I would be saying goodbye forever, it wasn't until I was married to Ramsey the monster that he was, that I realised, that I knew, who I really loved, who I wanted, just him, just Sandor, there is no one else for me but him"_ she whispered.

She could sense Jamie looking over her head at Brienne, noticing that neither of them spoke she took it as a sign to continue.

"_I dream of him nearly every night, I cry when I wake up, because I know that it isn't real, that he isn't with me, and today, seeing him, right there in front of me, I realised all over again, but this time it is real, he is here and he doesn't want me"_ she sobbed, knowing that she couldn't speak anymore, that she had shared all she could right now.

The three sat in silence under the tall oak tree for what felt like eternity no one speaking, Brienne and Jamie just holding Sansa while she cried.

After along time, they stood and begun the walk back to their cottage, they had lived in this particular place for nearly half a year now, and it was beginning to feel like home, they had decorated the best they could, between the three of them they had plenty of coin, however they always did their best not to draw attention to it, so always tried to live very humbly and if they were honest with themselves that's how they preferred it, they had left for the simple life and living it was one of the sweetest pleasures.

"_Sansa, we should tell you something"_ Brienne spoke as they approached their cottage.

"_We spoke with Clegane for a bit after, he looked somewhat shaken after you left, I don't know there was something different about him"_ she continued

"_Some what shaken"_ Jamie mocked _"He looked like you had stomped on his heart and ground it into the dirt with your shoe, I've never seen the deadly hound look so wounded" _he finished a smirk on his face.

"_Yes thank you Jamie"_ Brienne hissed at her husband _"he said he wanted to speak with you, see you again, he was insistent, but not in a aggressive way, it was almost desperate, so I told him where we live and said he could come by later if he wanted, I am so sorry, if you want when he arrives we can ask him leave" _she offered eyes tortured with guilt.

Sansa could tell Brienne felt bad, but she was actually glad she would get a chance to see Sandor again, to have a last memory of him that wasn't her running off like an emotional child_. "Thank you, and its ok I would like to see him, it will be good for me, I have questions for him and it will give me a chance to apologise for my behaviour, when he arrives please don't send him away" _she said giving Brienne a small smile.

Sansa walked inside leaving her two friends, she walked into her room and threw herself onto her bed, pulling her pillow into a big hug, squeezing her eye shut. The she saw them like always, his beautiful grey eyes looking into hers making her feel safe, making her feel wanted. Was it all in her head? she asked herself, Did I make him into the hero? Because I was desperate for any kind of love. She pondered the questions for a bit, then with a tear rolling down her face she knew, no she didn't imagine any of it, she just figured it all out too late and now she had to accept what was, surely it wouldn't be that hard, she had spent a large portion of her life accepting the fact that things didn't end in happily ever afters. She had however hung onto one single thought **…. A girl can dream.**


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own game of thrones or any of the characters.

Maybe one more chapter after this…

!warning.. language

A Girl can Dream… chapter 3

SANDOR:

The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, without even realising what he was doing he was looking around, searching for her, searching for the impossible, he didn't know why, _its not like she was going to be here_ he thought to himself as he scooped Eli up into his arms, wiping the dirt from his chubby little face.

Blue eyes, the truest blue he had ever seen in his entire life, she had never been able to hide a single feeling or thought from him, be it he mostly saw her fear, but he did see other emotions from time to time when they were in Kings Landing. He couldn't seem to stop looking at her, into those eyes, that seemed to hypnotise him, he could see she was much changed, taller, leaner in the face, still the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on and still the only women he had ever been in love with.

Handing Eli to Elaina quickly he couldn't take his eyes from her, _Gods dog get a grip _he scolded himself as he all but stomped on the other market goers to get the short distance to her, not once taking his eyes off her, he notice a change, she looked almost happy when she had first seen him, now she looked sad, like she was hurting just from the sight of him.

_What did you expect dog, that she would welcome you with open arms after you pulled a knife on her the last time, she saw you, _he thought to himself.

Just as her full form came into focus he realised she was not alone_, the fucking king slayer and the Tarth bitch _he noted as his eyes honed onto the fact she was holding his hand, Sandor's blood begun to rise a jealousy in him stirring, realising that he needed to supress it as not to frighten the little bird before he knew the circumstances, he tried to just breathe, he had spent many years learning to redirect his rage and be more at peace within and it had worked, he had settled the anger within him, accepted who he was and the things of his past and also released them.

"_hello little bird"_ he said trying to sound lighter than he felt.

She just stood there holding Jamie's hand looking at him, he could see tears building in her eyes, like she was going to loose it at any moment, all he wanted to do was crash her to his chest, hold her close to him, whisper words of love in her ear, run his hand through her beautiful auburn hair, tell her how sorry he was, and kiss her lips, how he longed to kiss her, dreamed of it most nights. He allowed himself small comforts in life now, and dreaming of her was high on the list, he had resigned himself to the fact that he would be alone for most of his life, he had meet the women of his dreams, even though she was just a girl at the time, and he knew she was too good for an old dog like him, but that didn't stop him from dreaming.

Still standing there looking at her, within arm's reach, waiting for her to speak, just when he thought she was about to say something, he watched as she turned and ran from him. In that moment he could have dropped to his knees with grief, the air left his lungs as his heart sunk, _you have no right to be heat broken dog you should have expected this._

Now he found himself standing face to face with the fucking king slayer and Brienne of fucking Tarth _Gods little bird instead of running from me, couldn't you have just killed me, so I didn't have to have a conversation with these two._

"_hello hound, I can't say I was expecting to run into you here of all places, but I guess this is the kind of place you come, when you don't want anyone prying into your business" _he smiled looking at Elaina who was standing next to him_ "seems everyone in this city has a secret, as long as everyone keeps to themselves no one seems to pay much attention"_ he paused _"but I must say a man of your stature must draw attention_" Jamie smirked looking the man up and down, with a look on his face that made Sandor want to knock his teeth out right there and then.

"_I could say the same about you kingslayer, but I see you have taken off your golden hand and are just wearing your nub like a peasant these days, lucky you have the lady of Tarth here in case you need someone to wield a sword for you"_ he spat back, trying to contain the rage simmering within him, he quickly realised this path of conversation would not lead to his desired destination which was seeing the little bird again so he decided on a change of tactic.

"_I, I would very much like to see the little, Lady Sansa again, I, I need to speak with her, if she will you know, see me that is, I don't wish to cause her any grief"_ he rasped finding it difficult to make eye contact with the two who were now looking at him as if he were an injured baby animal in need of sympathy. _fuck_

He stood there waiting for one of them to bloody say something, he noticed the Tarth women looking at him searching for something from him, then she spoke _"we live in a cottage on the outskirts of town, you will see it, it has a green gate at the front with a lemon tree that grows near the front door, why don't you come by later on this evening, see if she will see you"_

He nodded about to take Eli from Elaina and turn to leave when he felt someone grab his arm, he turned to see the kingslayer grabbing his arm looking him dead in the eye _" I don't know what past you have with Sansa, but she's been through more than any one person should have to endure, if you are only going to cause her more pain, then leave her be, she deserves more" _and with that Jamie let go of his arm, still keeping eye contact.

"_aye, you are right"_ he rasped taking Eli in his arms and walking away Elaina following him after giving the duo an apologetic smile.

Stomping back to the inn and up to their room, he gently put Eli onto the ground to play and looked out the window, his mind racing, trying to recall every detail of her face, he eyes, her hair, her skin, he didn't want to forget a single detail.

"that was her wasn't it?" he heard the gentle voice of Elaina as she sat down beside him, taking his hand.

"_aye that was the little bird"_ he replied still looking out the window.

"_Sandy, when you see her you have to tell her, you know why she ran don't you"_ she whispered

As if snapping out of a dream, he turned and looked at Eli playing with a wooden horse on the ground.

"_Sandor look at me you fool, I love you brother, but you are an idiot if you didn't realise, that women saw me and Eli at your side and thought I was your wife, when she looked at me, I could almost see her heart breaking as I realised what was going through her head" _she sighed taking his silence as a chance to carry on with her speech.

" _I know you think you don't have a chance, but I can tell you, you are wrong, but unless you get off your backside and go and see her, you will miss your second chance with her"_ she spoke sternly now, knowing that sometimes her brother as stubborn as he was needed someone to tell him some home truths, for someone as big and fierce as he was, he was very quick to dismiss that anyone could actually love him.

"_Elaina just leave it be would you, its not that easy, that women is Queen of the North, or should be Queen of the North, she's well above my station, always has been and always will be she could never love an old dog like me, I need to see her to apologise for our last meeting, see for myself that she is well and safe, then I will let her carry on with her life"_ he said standing and walking out the door.

Leading Stranger out of the stables and towards the forest he didn't know where he was going he just knew he needed to clear his head, and since he no longer enjoyed killing people, a brisk ride on Stranger was what helped him the most, many nights after waking in the very early hours of the morning with haunting dreams, he would often saddle stranger and ride to clear his head.

His dreams had settled quite a bit since he had travelled with Elaina and Eli, he had made contact with her once it was confirmed to him that Gregor was dead, he hadn't seen her since she had fled when he was but eight years old, he never blamed her for leaving him, Gregor would have surely killed her if she had stayed, she was strong and often protected him from Gregor's temper, they both knew her days were numbered with him around.

A year ago when he finally reached her , and met Eli, she had told him, her husband and Elis father had been killed in war, so it was just the two of them, which is what had lead them here , one of the cities on the out skirts of Essos, renowned for being a town where everyone was happy to keep to themselves and no one was looking too closely. He never imagined he would see his little bird here, let alone with two unlikely travelling companions such as Brienne of Tarth and the king's slayer, he wondered what the story was behind the three, was Sansa romantically involved with Jamie? He could barely stomach the thought, so he pushed it to the back of his mind quickly.

After riding for a long time he decided to turn back to the inn to bathe before heading to the little cottage with the green gate and lemon tree, he smiled when he thought of the lemon tree, he knew of Sansa's love for lemon cakes and wondered if she had chosen the house for its fruit tree. His little bird he hoped he would see her face just one more time, then he promised himself he would leave her be, let her be happy, she didn't need his ugly face around, reminding her of all she had suffered while he did nothing, stood by while that cunt of a king taunted her on a daily basis. No he would speak with her apologise and then leave her, he would do his best to memorise her every feature, commit it all to memory every last detail, for when he dreamed it was only ever of her, she was his ultimate dream, and this old dog still had some dreams left in him.


End file.
